This is going to be one of those posts where large amount of comments and feedback would be greatly appreciated. The biggest trial for me since Derek and I got married a long, long, long time ago (2 1/2 years), is trying to find the balance between two things that I really want. That is, having kids and an education. When we first decided to start trying for Jay, Derek and I agreed at the time that it would be best if I chose one or the other, and didn't try to do both. This was due to the fact that we both knew how easily stressed out I got, and I'm a crier (by cry I mean sob), when under pressure, so we thought it would be best for me to focus my efforts under one roof.
So while pregnant I hurried and got certified in dental assisting and figured that would be a good fallback in case I ever had to work. Turns out, I'm the worst dental assistant, ever. Like guys, a lot of people are cut out for it, but I'm just not one of them. I passed the course and got an A and everything, but dealing with patients, and angry dentists who hated me was not my thing. (Mind you I was very pregnant, and very hormonal at the time, so that probably didn't help either.)
So knowing that was a bust, after Jay was born I explained to Derek that going to school was still really important to me, and so we decided I would do my associates degree through BYU-I online and I would be done from there. Well low and behold, I finished my Associates last month, and then having a panic attack that I couldn't be done with school, hurried over a very stressful two days of phone calls, and working with various people in the admissions office, got BYU-I to let me get my associates and then continue on with my bachelors.
When I first graduated high school I told myself that I would probably go to med school, "or something like that" (said in my naive 17 year old voice), because I figured surely I'd never get married or have children, so I should do something productive. I think the problem is that there is still a part of me that thinks I still need to do something a long the lines of PA school, dental hygiene (but probably not that since the whole assisting thing didn't go down as planned), or pharmacy school, or nursing school, chiropractic, physical therapy, grad school, PhD or just something.
Once I finish my degree with BYUI (sometime in the next 4 years), as part of my degree, I'm already going to have all those prerequisite classes done, so I'd actually have the option to do any of those things if I really wanted.
I guess the big question here is, at what point did you finally feel accomplished with yourself and not feel the need to keep moving on with your education. Does that since of relief and fulfillment come when you actually get your bachelors? At what point can you no longer do the balance of school and kids. Do you cut your loses after the second kid comes? I feel like I'm in a constant battle of trying to make sure I'm giving equal time to Jay and getting school work done at the same time. I secretly really envy those girls that just graduate high school and get married and have kids and never think twice about it. Or the girls that actually do dental assisting, or some other quickly learned vocational trade, and are happy and content with that.
Is finding the balance between the two just a personal thing? Cause if so then I'm going to have to do some deep soul searching. Realistically I know I will probably have to at least stop after my bachelor's because getting into whatever small amount of schools that are in our area wherever Derek's career takes us is probably not going to happen, especially if we stay here in NC. (One bad semester at BYU has sealed my fate from ever getting into Duke, UNC, or Wake Forest) Ultimately I know that my self worth isn't determined on the amount of schooling that I complete, and that Derek's schooling/career is ultimately more important right now than mine is concerned, but I think I ultimately just need to figure out a way to just be content for now with doing my bachelor's and calling it good for now.
And this post if officially way too long and almost pointless. If you've sat through this mental rant of possible nothingness thank you. You'll receive compensation in the mail in about 10-15 years for your time.